Rosemary and Wine
by PaintedinAllColors
Summary: Damon is thinking about Rose's death at his hands


Disclaimer: I do not own the Vampire Diaries.

* * *

><p>Rose. She had been on my mind from the moment I met her. Thoughts of her were plaguing me. I couldn't help but think of her smile, of her accepting that I loved Elena, of her right before she died. I threw a bottle across the room. It smashed into a million pieces, just like my heart. They had all done that, and I couldn't bear it anymore. I just couldn't. First Katherine, who 'died' and came back to tell me she never really cared. Then Elena, who actually cared, but not in the way I wanted her to. Then, Rose. She was special. Rose was strong, but fragile. And she was broken, like me. She was broken, but she wore it beautifully, unlike me. I was broken too, shattered by so many rejections and surprises and deaths. Haunted by everyone I had killed, even though I shouldn't be. Haunted by her ghost. By her cold, warm eyes. By her, Rose. She was one of a kind, and she was proud of it. Rose showed the world that being broken didn't mean you have to be fixed. I like think that I fixed that, just for a little while, but I know I didn't. I didn't fix her, I destroyed her. I like to think that she would thank me, that it had to be done, but I know there must have been a cure somewhere. Whatever it was, I would have gotten it. Because, even though I didn't love her, she understood me perfectly. I needed someone like that. She took the pain away, banished it, and, while I was with her, I felt whole again. It was like Katherine had never touched my life, had never even been there, had never existed. And I killed her. I hate her for that. Hate her for jumping in front of me, for being bitten instead of me, for taking my place. I know the world would be a better place without me. I picked up a stake, and contemplated plunging it into my chest, just to drive away the pain. When I was dead, I would be free from this. But I couldn't. I just couldn't. I was weak, the old me would have said that. But she changed that. Changed me. For once, I wouldn't drown myself in alcohol to get rid of the pain. I would move on, grow strong from it. Like Rose. I would accept it, and use it to fuel the rage that was always burning inside me, but was now overshadowed by pain. I took a deep breath to calm myself, and grabbed my keys. I needed to get something that would make me remember, make me never forget her sacrifice for me; make me remember that I shouldn't waste it.<p>

I walked through the plant store. After everything, I ended up here, in the herb section of the store. A plant caught my eye. Rosemary, I thought. Perfect. It was her name after all, there was no way I'd forget her now. I also bought a rose plant. It was beautiful, but it had sharp thorns ready to hurt you if you got too close. It was me, but I would look at this plant and change it. I would try to tell Elena everything, because she would know what to say, and because Stefan would never understand. I walked back to my car, enjoying the feel of the cool night air on my face. I got in, and drove slowly back home. There were just too many memories of her there, and that contradicted the reason I had bought the plants. I wanted to remember her, but being home would just be too…overwhelming for me. I stopped at the side of the lonely road and got out of the car. I wasn't worried about anyone taking it, and if they did, I wouldn't care. It hurt too much for me to even try to care if someone stole the car. I walked and walked, just enjoying nature, something I hadn't done in ages. I stopped when I reached a clearing in the woods. It was green, and flat, and surrounded by trees on all sides. They dark branches looked black from the meager, yet beautiful light of the crescent moon. I sat in the middle and stared up at the moon. How it seemed to taunt me, looking so near, yet so far. I was amazed at its beauty, yet its sinister feel. The moon gave a foreshadowing of things to come; dark things. There was a small shadow near the tip of it that seemed to suggest the danger was always lurking there, just not always seen. I sighed into the night. It really was beautiful. I took out another purchase I had made, a bottle of red wine, so red it looked like the blood I needed for nourishment, but not quite dark enough. I uncorked it and took a sip. It was good wine. It was slightly bitter, but sweet at the same time. It reminded me of Rose. Everything did lately.

"To you, Rosemary," I spoke into the night. "Thank you." I took another sip of the wine, and stared at the stars. It was a clear night, and I could see them perfectly. They were little dots of lights in a vast sea of dark, like Rose. She was a star in my life, and so was Elena. I stared at a constellation. It puzzled me because, if I looked at it at a certain angle, it looked like Rose. It looked like she was smiling at me. I shook my head. I had to get these thoughts out of my head. Rose was gone. I killed her. She took a werewolf bite for me. She knew she would die, but she did it anyway. I hit myself with a barrage of these cold, hard facts, each one hitting me like a wrecking ball, knocking off chunks of that stone barrier I kept all my emotions locked up in. Something wet and warm rolled down my face. Instinctively, I looked up to see if it was raining, but the sky was still clear. Another one slid down the left side of my face. I touched it curiously. Was I crying? Yes, for the first time in hundreds of years, I was crying. What have you done to me? I couldn't help thinking to myself. More tears poured down my face as the emotions I had denied for so long came up.

_Don't cry Damon,_ an all too familiar voice said to me.

"Rose?" I whispered. And there she was. She was exactly the same as the last time I saw her, in her dream. She was wearing the same dress, and she looked happier, freer. "I'm sorry." The words were barely whispered as more tears rained from my eyes. More and more, they fell, like diamonds sparkling in the white light of the moon.

_Don't worry, Damon. I'm happy here. Killing me was the best thing you could have done for me. You saved me, Damon. You have no idea how much pain I was in that day._ She gently cupped my face. I looked into her eyes, stripped bare of all the walls and thorns and barriers I put up to keep people away, to keep from being hurt again. And I realized that my heart had never truly healed from Katherine ripping it apart so viciously. Rose looked at me with eyes full of forgiveness and compassion that was truly sincere, because she had gone through what I had gone through and understood.

"Is it really better there?" I asked, unable to form the right words, the actual question that hung unspoken but needed to be asked. She nodded to me, a half-smile on her lips. "I was thinking about committing suicide," I told her. "But I couldn't. I couldn't throw away your sacrifice. I thought nobody would care if I died, but you cared enough to sacrifice yourself for me. Elena cared enough when I was heartbroken by Katherine all over again to help put the pieces back together. And I know that, even though she loves my brother, she still loves me as a brother."

_You understand. And, Damon, Elena and I share the same love for you: brotherly love. Even though I kidnapped her, she forgave me. Damon, she trusts you to keep her afloat through all this. She may love Stefan, but will always turn to you for advice. And I learned a thing or two from her. Thank you, _she whispered, and then she was gone.

"Thank you, Rose," I said getting up. I walked back to the car feeling happier than I had in a long time.

* * *

><p>Please review.<p> 


End file.
